Monsters Under The Bed |P|

give me time and give me space

Maybe it was odd of Alec to have been flying over the Neighborhood so late at night. He wasn't sure why he had felt the need to take to the sky at that hour, but he hadn't wanted to stray off into the wilds this late, so he'd remained hovering over the neat streets that were familiar, seeing which houses were still lit, which ones where dimmed for sleep, and which ones were still entirely barren- which homes were not yet a home to anyone.

It had almost become a game, counting the different kinds of houses, something to take his mind of his various troubles, until out of the corner of his eye, Alec noticed movement. Somebody moving onto a balcony.

Somebody with familiar red hair.

Alec wasn't entirely sure what it was that possessed him to fly towards her, but as he got closer, he began to notice that something was wrong. The last time he'd seen her, she had practically exuded confidence- but now, she seemed so small, so alone, so unsure and almost afraid, curling into herself desperately. Worry- something he hadn't felt in a long time, or at least, not for anyone else -pooled in his stomach, cold like ice. He found himself flying a little more urgently, trying to reach her faster.

What on earth was wrong with him?

He landed soundlessly on the railing of her balcony, wings spread for balance, until he was sure enough of his footing to fold them away. He then lowered himself to the floor, approaching Anria hesitantly, shedding his mask of forced bravado in favor of revealing just how worried he actually was. Revealing just how much he used to care- not just about Anria, but about people. If anyone who'd known him when he was younger had been there, they would have seen a flash of the boy he was six years ago. The boy who cared- maybe sometimes too much.

He cleared his throat, cautious of this different Anria. While the sensible part of his mind warned him to stay close enough to the edge of the balcony to leave with ease, he found himself drifting closer, reaching out to her before he realized what he was doing and stopped before he touched her. "Anria?" he asked quietly, the worry in his voice unbearably easy to read. It almost didn't sound like him at all. "Are you okay?"

hold on hold on

Alec grew uneasy the longer the silence stretched between them, until Anria spoke. He thought it would settle his nerves, but her words only put them more on edge.

He should have just left. He hardly knew Anria. They'd had their fun one time, but that hardly warranted a friendship, let alone any sort of attachment at all. There was no reason for him to be here in the first place, nor any reason feel like it was his obligation to try to help. He didn't care. Or- he shouldn't have cared.

But he did. So he stayed.

Lips pressed together into a tight line, he sat down somewhat awkwardly next to Anria, wings tucked away, fitting perfectly in the space between his shoulder blades. For a while he didn't say anything- he hadn't done anything like this in a long time. On top of that- Anria was different from anyone else he'd met, and in that way they were alike= hiding desperately behind walls they'd put up to keep everyone else out.

Something had happened to hers. Maybe she'd done something, maybe someone had done something to her, but either way, her walls had started to crumble. The least Alec could do was lower his, for now.

"What happened?" he asked, after being quiet for far too long. Maybe he'd have a better idea of how to help if he knew how all this had happened in the first place.

my own blood is much too dangerous

Alec's usual need to fidget with something was noticeably absent as he waited for Anria to speak, his focus entirely on her and nothing else. It felt...almost wrong to see her so shaken up, so exposed and vulnerable. A mask as well-worn as the ones they had...should have only been lowered slowly, not violently wrenched off the way that her's had been. And she should have been with somebody she cared about when it happened- somebody who had more of a capacity to care for her back.

He felt like even more of a stranger to her than he already was. He wasn't supposed to be here.

In that moment it was hard for him not to feel like a stranger to himself- so unnaturally open, and easy to read. Showing signs of attachment to somebody he hardly knew. His gaze fixed on his own knees, but didn't focus.

What's your mask for? she had asked him. He'd answered the question, but not entirely. It hurt when it wasn't fixed in place- but that was natural, and he knew that. Mourning loss was natural, especially when it was the loss of people so close to you. He wasn't afraid of crumbling under the weight of what he had lost.

He was more afraid of what he could lose. He was afraid that if he let himself care about anyone else again, he'd only end up getting hurt again. 

Anria was a heartbreaker. I doubt there's much left of it, he'd said, ever the charmer, but that was wrong, too. His heart was there- he was just too scared to use it. Scared that, if he started to feel again, he wouldn't be able to stop again. So it was easier to pretend that he couldn't.

He couldn't do that now. Not when Anria was like this. Maybe Anria should have been with somebody else. Maybe he wasn't the right person to have been there.

But he was the only person who was there- and Anria needed someone. Anyone. She broke down and he found himself reaching out, uncertainly, like he wasn't sure how, lowering his hand on her shoulder. Rubbing it, as though that would do any good. "It's okay, Anria," he said quietly, still not able to recognize his own voice. "You're okay. Just breathe."

hold on hold on

Alec froze completely when Anria moved, only moving himself so that her head landed on his shoulder, and nowhere else. He wasn't ready for anything more intimate than that- not now. Not after so long. This was already far more than he had bargained for.

For a while, he remained completely rigid, all too aware of the closeness between them, of the way that she was completely opening herself up to him. The way that she seemed to radiate warmth that he felt even through his sweater. It took him a while to relax into the gesture, but even then, the edges of him were still tense. As much as he tried to, he couldn't seem to smooth them.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, his own breathing shaky, evidence of the turmoil that he was just barely keeping contained within himself. He swallowed thickly, and thought for a moment, thinking of how to distract Anria from her meltdown for the sake of giving her the chance to calm down. A thought occured to him, something plucked out a fond memory, something honest and warm, and he found himself laughing quietly.

"Y'know, my middle name is actually 'Jayden'," he said, quietly, uncertainly, almost as though he had forgotten how to use his own voice. In a way, he had- he hadn't used it like this in a long time. He hadn't told anyone his middle name- or at least, not without pretending that it was actually his first. With his free hand, he picked at his jeans. "For the longest time I thought it was a coincidence that it could be shortened to 'Jay'. There was no way my parents were cruel enough to deliberately name me after my animal form, right?" He smiled at something nobody else could see. "After a while, I asked about it, actually. Turns out they had done just that- they pranked me from birth." 

He wasn't entirely sure why he told Anria that. Now that he was saying it out loud, it didn't seem quite as funny anymore. Hopefully she thought it was.